Monday, December 5, 2011

Getting Sentimental

I am getting some major pregnancy hormones lately...overall, I haven't been too much of a "blubbery pill" for Paul, but I am getting excited, nervous, and sad that Reina will have to share my attention. My free time in the mornings and evenings have been devoted to talking, playing, and interacting with my little girl. I am not as fortunate to spend all day, everyday with my girl, but the time that I do have with her is always special. Some days I substitute teach, then do my normal part-time job. These days are hard emotionally for me and for Reina. We both feel we got gyped with our special time. It's these days bedtime is harder. I totally understand why she doesn't want to go to bed; she'd rather keep singing songs and reading books with her mommy and daddy, even if she is exhausted. Soon I'll be adding in nursing time, coddling time, and some  much-needed sleep time with the new babe. Lately, when I am laying in bed I wonder how she is going to handle this new addition. Is she going to be helpful? Will she love her brother or despise him for taking away his mommy? Will she despise me for giving him attention? Those of you who have gone through this could give me some tips, please? It makes it harder when you are a working mommy too. I look forward to more time with my children, probably not an all day, everyday thing. I don't think I will ever be a "true" stay-at-home mom. I will always be doing some sort of side-job, even if it is teaching a couple yoga classes at the gym. Maybe it's for my self-esteem. Maybe it's the fact I was raised in a childcare center always taking care of kids. Maybe because I was raised in a family where my mom worked...and still works. I asked Paul if Reina knew how much I love her. He comforted me by saying that the time we do spend together is always special and she knows it. He also reminds me that I am her favorite person. This will probably change when she's 13 years old...if she'll at least hold out until then! As long as she'll return to loving me. Reina was our miracle baby; very hard to get. Sometimes I feel too blessed by getting HER. If I dreamt up a little girl, she wouldn't have even come close to Reina. Reina, I want you to know how very happy we are to have you as our daughter. Everyday you are surrounded with people who love you. Mommy, daddy, Mummi, Grandma, cousins, friends. You love your life, and your mommy love's your life.